Love the Original Nature

“Love, a word that comes and goes but do people really know what it means to really love somebody”

The famous lines of Kirk Franklin’s ‘love’ a song that makes me ponder and wonder if some people really know what the word ‘love’ means.

I had once told someone that what comes through your mind when someone says ‘I love you’ to you reflects in a way what you understand love to be.

A lot of people have drawn up fantasies in their minds about love and termed it ‘true love’ or ‘real love’. I’ll like to correct that; Love cannot be true or more real than itself, it is either love or it’s not.

So, before you take the first step into that relationship, do you both know what it means to really love somebody?  Do you confuse infatuation or lust for love? Confidently answer those two questions else that intended relationship might form a negative opinion in your mind because you failed to adequately examine what was flowing through your mind.

So, what then is love? 

According to Merriam-Webster’s English dictionary,  ‘a feeling of strong or constant affection…’

This definition has two notable things ‘strong’ or ‘constant’ which signifies a never waning feeling. It’s an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

As a religious African, I’ll draw an analogy from the account of Apostle John, God loved the world so much that he could not sit and watch man suffer. He gave up his only son as a propitiation for man’s wrongs – this was unselfishness expressed (withholding nothing), loyal (remaining true to the fact that man though imperfect can be made perfect) and benevolent concern (kind and caring interest in the affairs of man not for criticism or downgrading but a beneficial uplifting for man).

In our relationships, we need to give thought to those three qualities of love and do the needful

  • Unselfishness
  • Loyal
  • Benevolent

 

Dr. Khanzie………….

follow yearn2earnmag.wordpress.com every tuesday to learn more and make that relationship better.

Micromanagement

When I entered the workforce after college, I first became acquainted with the term ‘micromanagement.’ I quickly learned that this wonky sounding word actually had deceptive power.
People who accused their bosses of micromanaging seemed to do so as a permanent insult more than a mere suggestion for change. It was the organizational equivalent of being labeled a Neanderthal, or a corporate version of being politically incorrect. Micromanagers were assumed to be insecure and distrustful, so no one wanted to have that label applied to them. To make matters worse, being called a micromanager was almost indefensible; if an employee felt that they were being micromanaged, those feelings had to be validated and addressed.
It might be tempting to read this and think “what’s the big deal?” Well, there was an unintended consequence to this micromanagement witch-hunt, one that had a chilling effect on leaders that continues today. See, the pendulum swung far away from micromanagement and seemed to get stuck on the opposite end of the spectrum, in a place I’ll call “abdication management.”
Today, for every real micromanager I come across, especially at the top of organizations, there are dozens of abdication managers. These are the people who know little about what their direct reports are working on, and defend their approach by citing their own busy schedules, or worse yet, by proudly using words like trust, autonomy and empowerment. Unfortunately, the results of abdication management are consistent: a lack of necessary guidance, delays in recognizing problems, stunted professional development of key people, and anxiety among employees. The consequences of this on the bottom line of an organization are not hard to imagine.
Addressing the abdication management problem requires understanding its root causes. Those include the fear of being accused of micromanagement, which I discussed above, as well as a strange combination of negligence and ignorance. That’s a pretty bold accusation – one that I also apply to myself – so it deserves a thorough explanation.
When I’ve confronted CEOs and senior executives about their tendency to under-manage their direct reports, I’ve often received an explanation that goes something like this: “Listen, I hire senior people with experience, and I don’t think they need me to manage them.” This lack of energy for managing people represents one of the biggest problems I see in corporate life. Management of direct reports is too often seen as a remedial activity, reserved for employees without experience, rather than an essential requirement for providing order and clarity for people at every level of an organization. The nature of how people are managed will certainly vary depending on a person’s role and level of maturity, but managing them is never optional, and the consequences of neglecting it are always serious.
None of this is to say that true micromanagement is a good thing. But I’m convinced that most companies would be far better served if their leaders walked a little closer toward the micromanagement end of the spectrum than the abdication end. I’ve learned this the hard way.
I’ve noticed that when one of the people I’m supposed to be managing is working on something that is not particularly interesting to me, I find it easy to say, “I’ll trust them to do what’s right.” I proudly leave all the details to them, and get involved only when a problem arises that actually impacts my world negatively. I’m usually a little grumpy when this happens. Of course, there is nothing virtuous about that.
But when I’m working on a project that is near and dear to my heart, I stay involved in a way that keeps my people on task, allows me to see potential problems before they get out of hand, and provides my staff with a level of confidence that they are headed in the right general direction. Do I occasionally wonder if I’m stepping over the micromanagement line? Yes. And so I wrestle with the tension of being in that place – instead of running from it – and those projects usually go better than the others.
My challenge, and that of every other leader who occasionally participates in abdication management, is to be more consistent in the way I manage, and not let it be determined by my level of interest, energy or curiosity. That would certainly be a more responsible, intentional and effective approach, one that would benefit my company, and the wonderful people who work here.
Follow Patrick Lencioni’s blog and read the original article

We are all leaders the difference is in the position

Who Preaches?

What would you think of a surgeon who just started making an incision in a patient without really knowing what he was doing? You would probably wonder how that doctor even came to practice surgery. If he were to make one mistake, his patient could be disabled for life—or even killed. Yet, when it comes to sharing the gospel, many people are as inept as an incompetent surgeon, even though people’s eternal destinies hang in the balance.
What is the gospel? You might say, “I’ll leave that to the preachers and theologians to figure out. All I know is that I’m already saved and going to heaven!”
But wait—we all need to know the gospel for two very important reasons:
    We want to make sure that we have heard and responded to the true gospel, lest we have a false hope concerning a salvation that we have.

    Jesus told us to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel” (Mark 16:15). Those words are not merely addressed to pastors, teachers, evangelists, and missionaries; they are addressed to every follower of Jesus Christ!
We cannot be disengaged or disinterested in this subject, for it has eternal ramifications.

Dealing With an Ex

Everyone has a horror story about a crazy ex. Whether it’s a year-long stalker tale that landed you both in the hospital, or a new found friendship that grew stronger. Dealing with ex’s can not only affect your past relationships with them, but it can also effect current and future relationships.

Can you be friends with an ex?

This is an age old question with an answer specific to each individual. Of course you try to remain friends with an ex, but when you’ve shared love, lust and personal interaction, continuing a traditional friendship can be a challenge.
If you’re really being true to yourself, take some inventory: “Are those old feelings really gone, or are they lying dormant, ready to burst into flames if stirred?”
If there is a possibility that the old flame still burns, then another question arises: “Have you reconsidered your current situation?”
Difficult questions. Yes.
But there will certainly be even more trouble to contend with if you don’t answer those questions truthfully.
However, there are many occasions when love is lost, but the ex is someone who can remain a close, innocent friend. Perfectly healthy friendships are often comprised of two persons deciding that the romance road was full of rough travels, but a strong foundation for friendship still exists. In fact, parting couples who genuinely care for each other, often wish each other well in their pursuit of a more compatible love interest.
What about my current mate?

Another age old question, and one that has generated a lot of problems for many couples.
What you absolutely cannot do is demand that your mate severe ties with exes. This only makes sense if the ex is a true friend to your mate and wasn’t the cause of undue heartache. It is unlikely that she will want to remain friends with someone who brought emptiness to her life.
While it is considered good relationship etiquette to tone down friendships with persons of the opposite sex, totally ignoring friends or exes isn’t always necessary. Especially when both parties had good intentions and things just didn’t work out.
Furthermore, your current lady comes first. You can’t blame her being hurt if you spend most of your time entertaining an ex.
What about jealousy?

All relationships are unique. And while women aren’t always comfortable sharing their mate with numerous female friends, they’ve learned to accept the notion that some exes do exist, and some may be friends.
Men, however, can have different interpretations. Guys usually see an uninterrupted friendship with an ex as a territorial issue. For good measure, think about this: If your current mate has an ex who didn’t misuse, abuse, or disrespect her, and who currently keeps to himself, you probably have nothing to worry about.
Any man with healthy self-esteem should be able to understand that an ex is simply an ex. If you feel uncomfortable with your mate having an ex as a friend, it’s probably just your ego getting the best of you. Try communicating with her about it. If trust is an issue, it’s not the ex you should be worried about.
Even though keeping exes as friends can filled with questions and doubts, you never hesitate to put your mate above anyone else. Innocent friendships shouldn’t have to be severed when you enter a relationship, but those friendships also shouldn’t disrupt your current love.

Ufakking Solomon insipred this!

Absteninance

Many young people and adults are choosing to abstain from sex these days, for many different reasons. Even if you’ve had sex before, abstinence may make sense at certain points in your life, for both your emotional and physical health.
Abstinence means different things to different people. Many heterosexuals who choose abstinence consider it to mean not having vaginal intercourse, particularly to preserve virginity. Others say abstinence means no vaginal, oral, or anal intercourse. For some, abstinence means avoiding all sexual behavior, including kissing, this is risky business (speaking from experience)

Why Do Young People Say No to Sex?

Abstinence from vaginal intercourse is the only 100 percent effective means of preventing pregnancy, and it is viewed by some as the best way for young people to avoid both pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases.

However, if you still participate in oral sex or anal sex, you do stand a chance of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Only abstinence from all forms of sex can protect you from STDs 100 percent of the time.

There are also long-term health-related reasons for young people to remain abstinent until later in life. Women who abstain from sex until past their teenage years are less likely to get STDs that can lead to cervical cancer and infertility. Likewise, young men who avoid sexual activity may be at lower risk of STDs associated with condoms and employing other safe sex practices.

Why Might Adults Decide to Say No to Sex?

Adults who are no longer virgins often choose to practice sexual abstinence for reasons other than birth control or avoiding STDs. They may be:

Waiting for the right person to be sexually active withMourning the loss of a significant otherFocusing on work or educationRecovering from an illnessMaintaining a moral or religious principle Sticking to Your Sexual Abstinence Decision

It can be tough to remain abstinent. You might have to deal with peer pressure to become sexually active, particularly if you’re a virgin. Or you might be in an intimate relationship where sex seems like the next step.

You can more successfully maintain your abstinence if you:

Talk with your partner about your decision to abstain from sex, especially before things reach that level. Be open, honest, and straightforward about your limits — even if it feels embarrassing.Don’t participate in physical contact that could lead to arousal. 

Don’t reconsider your abstinence in the midst of a sexual situation. Step back from the situation and take time to reflect on the factors that influenced your decision to remain abstinent in the first place.Think ahead about what you would say or do to stop physically intimate activities if you feel things are going too far. Practice actually saying the words, and think about what your partner’s response would be.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into sex. It is your decision alone to give up your virginity or participate in sexual activity.Take part in activities that involve friends or groups, such as going on double dates. One drawback to abstinence is that many men and women decide to end it without fully preparing themselves.

Big Brother Nigeria 

​My Thoughts on Big Brother Naija? 
I have heard and seen so many arguments about this reality TV show called Big Brother Naija. On one side, many condemn it with varying reasons while on the other, some say there is nothing wrong with it and even go on to call those who condemn it ‘hypocrites’. Thus, I will lend my thoughts to it. 
America’s STUPID INDEX is known to have risen quite disturbingly with the influx of reality TV shows back in the early 2000s. 

To salvage this, American content creators and government met and decided to use the media to educate Americans and make them become smarter and thus reduce the stupid index. 
The outcome of this is the making of science fiction TV series and inclusion of intelligent conversations in popular TV shows and movies. In no time, these made America’s growing generation become smarter than the previous and yes, we have seen them leading in many tech related sectors. 
Many people have wanted me to talk about the current BIG BROTHER NIGERIA show currently showing on cable TV. This is my take on it.
In the face of a global drive towards a tech-driven future, Africans are glued to the screen giving their eyes to what many have argued over its adding little or nothing to their brainworth. The argument of the pro-BBNaija divide is that it is ‘just entertainment’ and that people who criticize it do worst than what the housemates do. 
However, gone are the days when TV was just for entertainment purposes only. Countries like America are actually using TV/Films to position the minds of their youths to become smarter and more in tune with the realities of the incoming age. 
Next year, the world’s first flying cars will be launched and orders are already being made from this month. They costs between $400,000 and $600,000. Ofcourse those cars will be ordered from all over the world. Not only will it increase the GDP of the country of its makers but it will also move the world way forward into the awaiting reality of the global future. Do we remember how many Science fiction movies and TV series that showed this reality over and over again before now?
The developed world does not leave media to charlatans or see it as just for entertainment purposes only. The media can be used to show a reality which eventually becomes what is rife in the society. It is used to show viewers what realities to aspire for and can either be used to position the minds of a people right and raise a generation of smart youths who reach out and do exploits OR it can be used to increase the STUPID INDEX of a people. 
I’ll say one thing without mincing words, #BBNaija is yet another one of those shows that will and is already increasing the STUPID INDEX of Africans. 
Is there nothing wrong with having a show on TV that shows footages of married and single people going bare-breasted and having foul indulgences in the full glare of a viewing public (even their families are watching including maybe their kids) and then rewarding N25million to the winning housemate for being in a house like that? What exactly are the winners being rewarded for? What are we encouraging the youths watching it to do eventually in society? Have we thought of the children that will grow up seeing footages of their moms/dads on youtube with sleazy acts and how this will affect their reality or are we thinking of only ourselves and voyeuristic hunger?
TV shows like ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire’ actually rewards people for answering smart questions and thus not only makes the viewers learn what they may not know but shows that you can be rewarded for being smart. We complain of the government and every other thing but what do we accept that will become an Achilles heel for our sound existence tomorrow? 
Just as Americans deliberately used film/TV to raise a generation of smart citizens, we shuld realize that what we expose our youths to eventually becomes what they make society become. 

Dear Africans, it is up to you. You need to know more to be able to do more. Whatever content you expose yourself to on a regular either makes you know more or makes you know less than you should. It’s either your INTELLIGENCE is being fed or your IGNORANCE is being entertained with graver ignorance. 
Dear BBNaija lovers, no we are not all perfect and some of us may be doing worse ‘stuff’ than what the housemates are doing on TV like you are quick to say but trust me, the effect of constantly exposing a generation to the depravity of society does not only embolden the depraved but also raises a generation of depraved minds eventually. 
Is anyone looking at the STUPID INDEX of Nigerians like the Americans looked at theirs keenly and introduced the kind of content that is raising smart Americans and preparing them for the coming tech age? 
Why is America and developed worlds focusing on Technology and giving us more ‘science techy’ scripts for TV, films, events and even in music videos? It is because technology is the engine room of prosperity.They are exposing their own to this.  
Let’s expose Africa to the right content and watch Africans rise from ignorance and the rather slipshod reality of it’s today. It will require deliberate content that ‘smartens’ put through to us through the media (TV, Film, Radio, Online, Print) and the reduction of the kind of content that depraves Africans and keep our minds in the gutters. 
Why have I used America as the yardstick over and over again? 

The Big Brother show is not Nigerian. It is a foreign TV franchise. If we must mimic or run franchises from international platforms, let’s ensure we take that which is moving them and the world forward. Let’s deliberately reduce our STUPID INDEX with content that will help do so. 
I am concerned about Africa’s relevance in the global future. You should be too. 

Bible Study 

Often I’ve heard from believers and unbelievers alike questions or statements such as, “I don’t know how to study the Bible” or “How do I study the Bible?” In answer to these inquiries I will share some personal methods and ideas to help accomplish the desired goal of successful Bible Study. These ideas are not offered as the last word on the subject, but rather as a motivational tool to help you on your way.

God tells us to study His Word (2 Timothy 2:15), Study,  in this verse comes from a Greek word ‘spoudazo‘ meaning to use speed, make effort, be prompt, earnest, give diligence, endeavour and labour. If we are to learn and excel, we must exercise discipline and give the Bible priority. Casual reading, skipping from place to place or non-meditative and disrupted study will never produce the needed knowledge of God’s Word. Dig deep (Luke 6:48), build upon the sure foundation, and then the wind, rain, and flood will not destroy what you build.

Dr Khanzie 

Have a Great study time

More tips coming

Love

Everyone has an opinion about love and what it looks like. Today, I’ll be sharing with us the characteristics of love that we may be able to understand and recognise when we see.

 is slow to lose patience: Doesn’t demonstrate irritations, or reflect anger, or have a quick temper. It fully accepts the character of the one being loved. 

It is actively creative: It is able to recognise needs. It looks for a way of being constructive, discovers successful methods of improving or contributing to the other’s life.

It is not possessive: It does not hold exclusive control where one is allowed little or no freedom to fulfill himself apart from the one loving him.

It is not anxious to impress: It doesn’t seem to make an impression or create an image for personal gains.

It doesn’t cherish inflated ideas of it’s own importance: It is not self-centered. It has the ability to change and to accept change. It is flexible. It doesn’t allow or expect life to revolve around itself.

It has good manners: Love has respect for others which results in a set of Christ centred standards. It has discretion and knows what is proper and when it is proper.

It doesn’t pursue selfish advantage: Love doesn’t have primary concern for sexual appetites or social status but concern for needs of the one being loved and the families involved.

It is not touchy: Love is not hypersensitive or easily hurt. It doesn’t take things too personal, neither is it emotionally involved with personal opinion. So, to reject ideas is to reject the one giving them.

It doesn’t keep account of evil: Love doesn’t review wrongs which have been forgiven. It doesn’t dwell on past evil but rather it destroys evidence of past mistakes when possible.

It doesn’t gloat over the weakness of other people: Love doesn’t compare itself with others for self justification. It doesn’t use the evil of others to excuse personal weakness. It doesn’t say  “Everyone is doing it”.

It is glad with all godly men when truth prevails: Love is in active fellowship with dedicated Christians. It is occupied with spiritual objectives.

It knows no limit to its forbearance: Love has the ability to live with the inconsistencies of others. It has empathy for the problem of others.

It knows no end to its trust: Love believes in the person and the person’s worth without question. It has no reason to doubt the person’s integrity.

It knows no fading of hope: Love doesn’t fickle. It has the perfect peace and confidence that God is primarily responsiblefor introducing the right partner at the right time.

It has unlimited endurance: Love is able to outlast anything. It is able to endure all obstacles and even love in the face of unreturned love. 

God’s love has all the above listed characteristics. He loved us when we didn’t even think of loving him in return and he still loves us even now that his live has been shared abroad in our hearts. Live a life of love this year.

The Church with a difference 
2017 (Your year of ESTABLISHMENT )

Dr. Khanzie 

 

Youth and Singles

Remember now thy creator in the days of your youth, while the evil days come not, nor the year draw near, when you say, I have no pleasure in them. Eccl. 12:1

The definition of a youth varies according to the user. For some it is the period just before adulthood, while for some it is the period of bachelorhood/spinsterhood. No matter the age, one indisputable fact is that, it is a time when those concerned exhibit vibrancy in ideas, zeal, strength and dynamism. Those that fall within this group have the ability to forge ahead when others are tired. It is a time when their lives can be moulded so that the future will be fulfilling. No wonder our text admonishes the youths to know and remember their creator in the early stage of their lives.

Because there is a time for everything, eccl. 3:1-8, the early hours of one’s life should be fortified with the word- knowledge of God and love for God. Hence the youth and single should devote more of their time, energy and other resources to serve the Lord and glorify Him with it. Time is nobody’s friend. It is wise to make the best use of it for God. Nobody lends to God and loses. 

Joseph showed himself a disciplined youth who did not allow situations to derail him like many excuse themselves today. Our saviour Jesus Christ was a perfect being while here on earth; he submitted to His earthly and imperfect parents like all should do today. He was known as the carpenter’s son, which implies that he helped Joseph in the carpentry workshop. He also went about doing the will of his father .

Youths of today, how will you spend your time this year? Gossiping, backbiting, sowing seeds of discord, idling, etc? Wake up and use your God given talent to profit the kingdom this year. 

There is a saying that goes thus, “Most Old men know the right to do but lack time to do it while most young men have time but don’t know what to do”. Time is one resource that cannot be bought, delayed, borrowed or reserved. Many adults live in regret today live in regret when they look back to how they lived their youthful days or the wrong decision they made and wish they had another opportunity. But it is gone forever. 

As you progress through the year, set priorities and do the work of the ministry. God bless you

2017 (You are established)

Dr. Khanzie 

Ants

Ants are organised and disciplined: Ants living as ungoverned species is what dazes me. Don’t be misled, they are not controlled, not even by the queen, her sole responsibility is reproduction and nursing. They have no commander, overseer or ruler yet every member has a very high sense of responsibility of what to do and when to do it. As higher animals (so scientists say), we possess the instinct in an advanced form naturally, but somehow for one reason or the other, we pushed the reset button.

Unselfish unity and Teamwork: In every colony every individual ant has its responsibility, from the queen who repopulates the colony, to the soldier who protect the specie working via huge network of individuals. In humanity, there is a bright future if we can learn to work as a TEAM – Together Everyone Achieves More.

Spirit of Sharing: If a scout ant finds a resource which provides more than a single serving, he quickly leaves a trail of pheromones to help other ants find the shortest path to it thus saving time to reach it. In humanity, I have come to realise that many people hoard information and resources, if only we can emulate that spirit of Sharing, certain life issues would not even exist and the struggle for success will be short-lived.

Action in Time: There is a saying which says, ‘work while you work and play while you play, to be useful and happy, this is the way’. Ants do not procrastinate, they do not halt necessary activities to send a tweet, update a Facebook status or reply a BBM message. They understand and execute their utmost priority in the right time and the right season.

Amazing sense of discipline: The ant distinguishes when to work and when to play, hibernate and when to scout. It stores food in summer and gathers it’s food at harvest. Except you are being paid to reply a Facebook message or tweet within the hour, you shouldn’t waste so much of your time on unfruitful activities. Discipline yourself and put all your time to proper accountable use.

Ants are tireless and persistent: Ants work all through the summer piling up stock for the raining days, they recognise that there would be rainy days, so they work endlessly when they can. They do not give up easily, as a matter of fact they never give up, trying a huge rock on the path of an ant, it will find a way around or over this ‘problem’ rather than sit in self-pity.

Ants dream big: An ant-hill is made up of earth, that is sand and dirt that leads into many tunnels of their nest. This huge nest is not built in a single day, and its size is determined by the size of the colony which continuously expands as the colony population increases. The hugeness of this nest is never undermined by their individual size.

Other characteristics of the ant vary from their incredible speed, to their strength and many more. But the most important moral is that to be a more successful specie and build a more promising society, we as humans must be ready to evolve from our current state of selfishness, laziness and idealness to a united and hardworking individuals also we must adopt long range vision as individuals, adopt the right attitude with absolute integrity and initiate great team work in whatever we do.

Live like an ant in 2017

Dr. Khanzie

Insight gotten from Oshodi Moses Ayoola